Most women have had their husband or ex-husband tell them that they're crazy at one time or another - or as my dad likes to tell my mom, "You have CMS (Constant Premenstrual Symptoms)!" Although we laugh about these comments, some of us actually feel like the crazy woman they accuse us of being, and have no idea why we feel that way.
Many different factors can indicate that something may not be right. Perhaps you find yourself throwing a glass across the kitchen in a rage simply because your husband walked in late for dinner. Or maybe you have no self-esteem and are continually looking for ways to improve yourself, leading you to be very defensive and uncomfortable in your relationship. It can be a scary thing to feel as if you have no control over your emotions and your actions, like you're watching a scenario play out from afar. Although it might be easier to continue living in denial believing nothing is amiss, recognize that you may be experiencing the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder.
The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) defines Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) as "a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior." They report that BPD affects 2 percent of adults, and the majority are young women. So if you're a woman feeling "crazy" - or a husband convinced that your wife is "crazy" - you need to know how to determine if you are actually dealing with BPD.
Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder
NIMH reports that a person suffering with BPD exhibits three main symptoms: instability in moods, instability in relationships, and a tendency for impulsive behavior. Basically, a woman with BPD suffers through random bouts of various mood swings, usually depression, rage or intense anxiety. However, these moods do not last for weeks or months but instead only hours and at the longest for a day.
Sufferers also have a distorted view of themselves, leading to frequent changes in career choice, goals, choice in friends and social contacts, and even values. They tend to feel bored, unworthy or even mistreated, and they have no sense of self and will not be able to tell anyone who they really are. So if a husband is fed up with a wife who changes jobs every month, constantly complains that she is mistreated, and flies off the handle for no apparent reason, it might require further investigation.
A woman suffering from BPD experiences a significant instability in social and personal relationships. She might idolize her husband one minute but then in the next feel intense anger and dislike for him. This is usually most apparent when conflict occurs between someone with BPD and another person they are intensely attached to. The person with BPD immediately feels abandoned and uncared for, and will lash out and attack the other person. They are very sensitive to feelings of rejection and oftentimes lash out for being left behind due to a business trip or plans being changed at the last minute. It is thought that maybe they have difficulty feeling emotionally connected when the significant other person is absent, making the person with BPD feel lost and worthless, and thus much more likely to lash out.
Not only do women suffering with BPD lash out unexpectedly, they also initiate very impulsive behavior. This might include binge eating, excessive shopping and spending, and even risky sex. Since moods can change so quickly along with feelings about people or personal values, it is very common for someone with BPD to indulge in sudden activities that are not taken well by a spouse. Binge eating brings with it weight gain, excessive shopping induces arguments regarding finances, and risky sex creates obvious problems for a spouse, not only in terms of the emotional effects of infidelity but also the risk of disease.
Treatment Options for BPD
Treatment for BPD includes individual therapy, group therapy and prescription medication. Because women with BPD tend to use their symptoms as a way to cope with the world around them, it is difficult to treat. Therapy involves a long process as they learn other ways to take control of their emotions and their lives. Medication treatment ranges from anti-psychotic meds to antidepressants and anti-anxiety pills. This depends on the individual patient, and each is used for different symptoms at different times.
Acting out of control or "crazy" is not pleasant, and no one would choose to feel this way. If you feel out of control, then dig a little deeper and seek help for what could be a larger problem than simply imbalanced hormones. The first step is always the hardest, but it's definitely worth taking in order to get your life on track.
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Amber DiNenna is a contributor to DoOver.com and graduate student completing her degree in Marriage & Family Therapy.
Read more at DoOver.com, the online community for the 850,000 women who divorce each year.
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(c) 2010, DoOver.com.
Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune News Service.
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