Howard Hirsch, an insurance executive from Lomita, Calif., was laid off two years ago, and it took him a few months to find work. Now the family is very cost-conscious -- and he knows that can't help but affect his sons, ages 9 and 11.
"They see that my wife and I are stressed. They see we are financially stressed. They see they can't do some of the things we used to do. We don't go out to eat as much. We don't go to movies as often. We have to explain to them there's financial issues and we need to conserve our money.
"We try to ease their concerns by talking to them, but I think it does make them stressed. They're worried about whether we would be able to support their fundraiser at school or do extracurricular activities."
What's worrying young people
Worrying about school and about their family's finances are causing the most stress for kids, according to the American Psychological Association, which for the first time included young people ages 8 to 17 in its annual Stress in America survey, released Tuesday.
Among findings:
*44% of young people say doing well in school was a source of stress.
*30% worry about their family having enough money.
*10% felt pressure over their extracurricular activities.
*8% say relationships with their parents were a source of stress.
The survey of 1,206 young people and 1,568 adults, conducted over the summer by Harris Interactive, found that parents underestimated the level of stress children feel and the causes of that stress, often thinking that family relationships or activities cause more stress than children say they actually do.
That doesn't surprise psychologist Georgia Witkin of New York City. For her book KidStress, published in 2000, she surveyed about 1,500 young people and found that "parents were totally wrong about what they thought would stress the kids."
School also was the major worry for children in her survey, while parents assumed children were worried about "the pressure of so many activities," she says.
"They were afraid kids would be on overload," she says. "That wasn't even on the kids' radar. They said the only stressful part of all the activities is that 'my mother gets so stressed driving me around.' "
Lots of activities OK
Gabby and Izzy Cano, 11-year-old twins from Alexandria, Va., are cases in point. The sixth-graders are involved in lots of activities, but their busy lives don't seem to cause them much stress.
They're leaders on the student council at school, where Izzy is president and Gabby is secretary. They're wrapping up soccer season (three times a week) and will start a weekly dance class this winter. They also take weekly cooking classes and are enrolled in violin lessons at school.
"Sometimes it's pretty busy, but it's not too busy," Izzy says.
In the survey, 63% of the 235 parents who were among participating adults said they believed their stress levels had slight or no influence on their child's stress levels.
But psychologists say that doesn't reflect reality.
"If you ask the typical adult whether children are worried about the economy, you'd say, 'Of course not. They only have to worry about school,' " says pediatrician Kenneth Ginsburg, an associate professor at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine.
He says young people "absolutely worry about the things they see us worry about."
Says Hirsch's older son, Jonathan, who is in sixth grade: "I worry every day on little things. I talk about most of my worries to my parents. One of them is my dog leaving. She almost got away once. This year I have a lot more worries than last year. The holiday season is coming up and I'm wondering if I'm going to get any presents at all."
Child psychiatrist Stanley Greenspan, a clinical professor at George Washington University Medical School in Washington, D.C, says parents need to discuss stress with children.
"There is no sense in shielding them from something they already kind of know, like what they may see or hear in the news," he says.
Gabby Cano says she sometimes worries "about the problems of the world."
"You kind of want to help, but it's not easy to know what to do."
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