Ellen Mintz understands now what her daughter, Cathy, meant.
Before her daughter's death in 2005, Cathy -- sick and debilitated from cancer -- turned to her mother one day and said, "You know, Momma, I think I'm one of the luckiest people in the world."
Ellen, having witnessed how the disease had ravaged her daughter's body, couldn't relate. Ellen, a mother of three herself, was furious that the cancer would eventually steal her only daughter's life -- at the age of 46. And here Cathy was, saying she felt blessed.
Puzzled, Ellen stared at Cathy and replied, "And what planet are you on, honey?"
"No. I really mean it," Cathy responded. "I think I'm lucky."
"Would you mind telling why you feel lucky?" Ellen asked.
Because, Cathy went on to say, she had a loving and supportive family who drove her to doctors' appointments, gave her a place to stay and cared for her no matter what.
It wasn't until Ellen was diagnosed with breast cancer two years after Cathy died that she understood why her daughter had felt that way. When her time to fight the disease came, family members, friends and co-workers embraced and supported her, too.
"In the midst of feeling like you're in hell, to not have to be concerned about anything else is truly blessed," Ellen said. "And I really feel like I am blessed in that way."
Ellen, who works for the N.C. Employment Commission, had a mastectomy to get rid of the cancer. She had invasive lobular carcinoma, which is a type of breast cancer that starts in the milk-producing glands and forms a thickened area in the breast instead of a tumor.
She is cancer free, but she still lives with the fear that the cancer could return. That's what Cathy had to endure. Cathy was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 33 and then went into remission after treatment. But the cancer came back six years later and infected her bones.
Her death brought Ellen and her ex-husband, Joseph, back together. They had been divorced for about 20 years. They reunited once they began caring for Cathy during her illness. They eloped and have been remarried for four years.
Ellen learned about the Karen Chandler Trust Fund when Cathy got sick the second time and began to volunteer on the fund's board. She continued to volunteer with the trust following Cathy's death as a way to honor her memory.
The trust was started in honor of Chandler, a local singer-songwriter who died in 1999 at the age of 44 after a battle with breast cancer.
The trust is having its sixth annual Beach Music Festival on Sunday from 1 to 7 p.m. at the Sol Rose Amphitheatre at Campbellton Landing. The festival will feature live music, and proceeds will benefit local cancer patients.
We spoke with Ellen last week about Cathy, her own battle with cancer and the trust. These are the excerpts:
Observer: It was 2005 when Cathy died. It probably still hurts every day.
Ellen: I don't think anyone ever gets accustomed to losing a child. Cathy and I were not only mother and daughter, but we managed to be best friends.
To this day, I'll look at something and I'll say, "Cathy, what do you think?" And then I realize -- it becomes very real. In fact, I asked my husband the other day, "Does this get any easier?" and he said, "I don't think so." And I don't think so, either.
Observer: Did Cathy request that you continue your work with the Karen Chandler Trust, or was it something that you just wanted to do?
Ellen: Cathy went to all the meetings we had for as long as she could. She didn't ask me to, but I have always stayed with it because they did something for her. ... I guess one of the ways that I dealt with not becoming bitter or (having a) chip on my shoulder or whatever was to make something good come of it.
Observer: Is the Beach Music Festival one of the foundation's biggest fundraisers?
Ellen: We do this every year. This is where we get most of our money.
Observer: How does the trust aid local cancer patients?
Ellen: Most of the time, it's going to be somebody who is terminal. There is a gap between the time a person just can't work anymore and when their benefits, whatever they are, begin. ... What we can do and what we do do is we'll make a house payment. We'll make a car payment. We'll keep the lights on or the telephone. We put gas in cars. ... We do a little bit of everything that helps with everyday expenses, because that kind of gets lost in the cracks sometimes.
Observer: How do you keep your chin up?
Ellen: Somebody at work asked me one day, "Ellen, you always act like you feel good. How do you really feel?" Because they know you shouldn't feel quite so good.
So I said, "I'll tell you. I've got me a little program going here. ... I get up in the morning. I go look in the mirror, and lo and behold, it's my face. Then I go get my paper ... and I go to the obits. I'm not in it. That's another real good sign. Then I remember that little Bible verse that they teach you in Bible school. "This is the day the Lord has made. Be glad and rejoice in it."
Observer: What advice do you have for someone who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer?
Ellen: Don't give up, and don't give in anymore than you have to, because you may have cancer, but cancer doesn't have you.
Staff writer Amneris Solano can be reached at solanoa@fayobserver.com or 486-3521.
Karen Chandler/ Cathy Mintz Beach Music Festival
When: Sunday, 1-7 p.m.
Where: The Sol Rose Amphitheatre at Campbellton Landing, 1122 Person St.
What: Live beach music featuring Tommy Black and Blooz Band, Legends of Beach, Hip Pocket and musician Chris Hurst. Food and beverages will be available. Bring a lawn chair or blanket. No outside food, beverages or coolers allowed.
Tickets: $15 per person. Children 12 and under get in free.
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Copyright (C) 2009, The Fayetteville Observer, N.C.