If you're a parent, you know taking care of kids is important work. You're helping to shape the next generation. But, have you ever fantasized about running away from home?
Carpooling, soccer practice, and laundry can leave moms and dads feeling tired, frustrated, and somewhat trapped.
It's normal to think about escaping for a little rest. You might fantasize about driving to the next town for a three-day stay at an upscale hotel.
But, you fully realize that someone would eventually call the cops. So, you wonder, what would work?
It's nice if you have siblings or friends willing to take your kids for the weekend, but some people just don't have that luxury.
"I have no family near me," says a woman we'll call Trish. "I have one son who is autistic, so my friends won't baby sit. I feel so trapped sometimes. All I want is a little breathing room!"
Parents sometimes have to create their own breaks. A little strategizing can help you practice finding breathing room.
If you are stressed from parenting, think about how to direct some much-needed energy back into you. Remember that finding lots of small time slots whereby you escape stress in a predictable manner will help cool "parent burnout" better than a week's vacation every six months.
These tips can help:
-Voice boundaries and state your needs clearly. Tell your kids, "I want you to play board games while I relax for an hour."
-Have "unstructured" Saturdays. Let everyone stay in his or her pajamas all day one Saturday per month. Watch movies or just hang out and talk.
-Aim for no cooking two nights per week. You can still serve healthy foods, but save time by having turkey sandwiches on whole grain bread or serve fruit and low-fat cheese.
-Hire a little help for yourself. Pay a teenager $15 to help a small child straighten his room. Or, hire someone to mow your lawn occasionally.
Keep a notebook of ways to create some time and space for yourself. The idea is to become an expert at finding and creating options.
"I asked my best friend to come over and watch a movie with my 10-year-old twins," says a nurse we'll call Jill. "I went out for three hours to take a drive in the country. It was heaven!
"By asking my friend to come to my house, she didn't have to do anything special. I asked her to come after lunch, so I didn't have to feed anybody," laughs Jill. "I just had plenty of snacks on hand."
So, should you tell your friends you're using them this way?
"Of course," laughs Jill. "Just tell a friend you need some time for yourself. Anyone over 21 knows adults need mini-vacations from kids. And, your kids will welcome the attention from other adults."
Anytime you use friends, family, or grandparents to baby sit, try to make the time fun for everybody. Rent kid-friendly movies that adults will enjoy, too. Or, order a pizza that appeals to the group.
Above all, don't over-use your aide-de-camps.
Don't ask too much of people at one time-or ask for help too often.
"When I ask my parents to sit with my kids," says a single dad we'll call William, "I make sure I'm back in three hours. Most people like hanging out at somebody else's home, kids and all, if you adhere to strict limits and don't cause your baby sitters to get too stressed out."
---
(Judi Hopson and Emma Hopson are authors of a stress management book for paramedics, firefighters and police, "Burnout To Balance: EMS Stress." Ted Hagen is a family psychologist. Write to them in care of McClatchy-Tribune News Service, 700 12th Street NW, Suite 1000, Washington DC 20005; please enclose a copy of the column and the name of the newspaper you saw it in. You can also contact the authors through the Web site www.hopsonglobal.com.)
---
(c) 2009, McClatchy-Tribune News Service
For reprints, email tmsreprints@permissionsgroup.com, call 800-374-7985 or 847-635-6550, send a fax to 847-635-6968, or write to The Permissions Group Inc., 1247 Milwaukee Ave., Suite 303, Glenview, IL 60025, USA.
(C) 2009 Mclatchy-Tribune News Service.. All Rights Reserved