When you have a moment to yourself, are you constantly looking for the next thing to check off the to-do list?
Do you complain that life has become too stressful, but can't see a way out?
According to one expert, you might be addicted to the very stress that's weighing you down.
"With any addiction, there comes a lack of power and a busyness to numb the self. I saw among women that keeping busy was a way to stay away from the true inner self -- this unfulfilled, unrealized self," said Debbie Mandel, author of "Addicted to Stress: A Woman's 7 Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life" (Jossey-Bass).
Mandel, a stress management therapist in New York City, saw a pattern in the women who came to her workshops. They were constantly complaining about having too much to do and no time for themselves. The author pinpointed the problem: stress addiction.
Because women are natural caregivers, they are easily pulled in too many directions by husbands, careers, children and aging parents. Even single women are not immune to stress addiction, Mandel said. Stress can become a competition among women.
"Stress can be a means to feel worthy," she said.
Mandel also saw a pattern of unhealthy eating and weight gain among her clients due to the addiction.
"I find that stress fuels obesity," she said. "You're feeding an empty heart. There's that longing inside. When you're stressed, it's been shown that women reach for junk food and sugar. You eat that, you surge."
Diet can play a big part and make a difference with how the body deals with stress, said Anita Eisenberg, assistant manager at Ruth's Nutrition in Huntsville. Lack of nutrition will actually accelerate stress damage, making you feel worse, she said.
"Poor eating habits do not provide the body with the proper nutrition to handle stress," she said.
The worst thing to do is to eat junk food or processed food, she said, although those are often the foods women reach for in times of stress.
Good stress?
Some stress, called acute stress, can be good for the body and mind, said Mandel.
"It wakes you up to make you perform better. Your immune system needs a little stress to be on the alert," she said.
But bad stress, known as chronic stress, is the danger lurking behind that long and ever-present to-do list.
"Having chronic stress is the root core of all disease and exacerbates systems," said Mandel. "It's been implicated in heart disease, and some studies think it has something to do with cancer."
Huntsville psychologist Wayne Wilson, Ph.D., said he sees his patients damage their bodies by not controlling their stress.
"It constricts your blood vessels, it creates havoc with digestion system, your heart rate increases and it makes your muscles tense," he said.
"It also tends to mentally exaggerate things. It makes you not sleep and want to sleep. It makes you want to eat; it makes you not want to eat. It just depends on your personality on how your body responds."
How to let go
With all of the day-to-day stress women face, it's hard to see light at the end of a tough week. Many women don't know where to begin to combat stress, let go of worry and live in the moment. Fortunately, tools exist to release that inner stress addict and enjoy life.
Mandel's book offers seven steps to help alleviate stress. Women must first come to terms with their "inner self," often the part that gets lost in the relationships, jobs and parenting.
"I think we think of introspection into our longings and relationships as a dark process," said Mandel. "We fear going inward -- what will we find? We need to sit quietly and think about what we really want. What makes our heart sing? This true self doesn't wear a mask -- she's the free spirit within."
Stop negativity
Mandel also advises stopping all negativity and getting rid of toxins in life that bring you down, including talking about how busy and stressed you are.
"We don't realize how powerful the words we utter are -- they really shape our reality. A lot of women just say things and want to be heard to announce reality," she said, and saying you're stressed will only add to the pressure.
Negativity will stifle your unique contribution to life, she said.
"Reclaim your identity. Stress is identity theft," said Mandel.
Combating stress
Creativity: One of the steps in Mandel's book is experimenting with the creative side. "Creativity offers great compensation to things in your life," she said. "Creativity can be cooking, writing, gardening -- anything that makes your heart sing."
Exercise: Eisenberg advises exercise to burn off nervousness and anxiety. "It releases a specific hormone in brain called endorphins that are your body's natural feel-good hormones," she said. Eisenberg also said to get enough rest and sleep. "Keep regular hours as much as possible. All of those will help your body deal with stress," she said.
Own your feelings: Wilson said around the holidays, women especially will ignore what they want and instead focus on unattainable expectations. "Acknowledge what you're feeling, and not the 'I ought to's' or 'should do's.' Be conscious of what you are actually feeling and own that and be able to verbalize those things to your partner," he said.
Laughter: Mandel said she thinks laughter is the best medicine. "It's very important to have fun and humor. You can't laugh and be sad or miserable at the same time," she said.
Vitamins: "Get adequate levels of B vitamins," said Eisenberg. "B vitamins are your stress vitamins. They help you burn carbs and fat for energy and reverse the toll stress takes on body."
Let go of perfection: Wilson attributes seasonal stress to women feeling they must be the perfect hostess. "Think about that this is not the only Christmas you're ever going to have, so everything doesn't have to be perfect," he said. "Be aware that this is just one day of the year and it's not that big of a deal. People feel less stressed when you are less stressed. Everybody's more relaxed."
Let nature in: Eisenburg said looking to nature can help decrease stress. "If you can, at some point in the day, take 10 to 15 minutes on way to work to stop by a park or a creek," she said.
"Find somewhere where you can get out and take some quiet time to just reflect on things, commune with nature, just time to spend with yourself and relaxing. Carry some bread to the park and feed the ducks. Anything to break the day-to-day grind," she said.
Are you addicted to stress?
The first place to look is the endless to-do list. Women who are always busy, out of time and living in the future are prime candidates for stress addiction, said Debbie Mandel, author of "Addicted to Stress: A Woman's 7 Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life."
"You're never quite present," she said. "If you're at the school play, you're on the cell phone. You're writhing in your seat thinking, 'I have five more things to do.' "
Stress addicts also have a hard time relaxing, and may not even have the mindset to take a break and enjoy themselves, said Mandel.
"You feel guilty about relaxing," she said. "You do not know how to be quiet and relax. Also, I find that people that are addicted to stress have trouble sleeping and have a case of mild depression, uneasiness and irritability and their eating habits are bad."
Women are always giving, Mandel said. But sometimes that giving spirit can turn into resentment for stress addicts.
"A stress addict would say, 'Why aren't they doing this for me?' ... Awareness hits you when you're irritable about what you're doing. You do it because you want to feel worthy, but you feel drained, and you feel unhappy about it. You're not in balance," she said.
Insomnia, anxiety, nervousness and depression are all signs of intense stress, said Anita Eisenberg of Ruth's Nutrition in Huntsville. It also raises blood pressure and cause weight gain because of elevated cortisol levels.
"Women tend to hold stress in their neck and shoulders resulting in headaches," said Eisenberg. "It affects sleep, and that's why those periods when you are under stress it's important to take good care of yourself.
"Most women tend to think about the others in your life and we're often the first ones in our lives to let go. If you can't take care of yourself, when you fall out, you're not going to be able to take care of anyone else either."
Sarah Thomson To see more of The Decatur Daily, or to subscribe to the newspaper, go to http://www.decaturdaily.com Copyright (c) 2008, The Decatur Daily, Ala. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services. For reprints, email tmsreprints@permissionsgroup.com, call 800-374-7985 or 847-635-6550, send a fax to 847-635-6968, or write to The Permissions Group Inc., 1247 Milwaukee Ave., Suite 303, Glenview, IL 60025, USA.
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