May 27--Usually, the mention of Alzheimer's disease or dementia hardly conjures up feelings of happiness and hope.
But last Thursday, Alzheimer's Respite & Resource sponsored a daylong conference for both family caregivers and healthcare professionals to learn how to creatively and effectively turn challenging situations into moments of joy.
Jolene Brackey, author of "Creating Moments of Joy" and a nationally acclaimed speaker, presented "Moment by Moment ... practical perspectives in dementia care."
Here are highlights from Brackey's keynote address:
--Create moments of joy in your own life first.
"Nobody's going to give you permission to leave when you've had it. Only you can. Make some time your time and don't feel guilty about it. Fit fun stuff into your schedule."
--Remember it is not possible to create a perfect day, but it is possible to create a perfectly wonderful moment.
"Our memory is made up of moments. People with dementia, they still have those moments, but they're not able to come up to you and go 'When I was a kid ...' They can't pull one of those moments out on their own. You're going to have to help trigger those memories. They might not remember what you said or did, but they will remember that good feeling that you left them with. ... If you got them to feel good in that moment, that feeling lingers on."
Example: Making homemade ice cream might be a reminder of a favorite family pastime.
--Every conversation you have with them needs to focus on their long-term memories instead of their short-term memories.
"The positive side of dementia is that they retain those childhood memories to detail if we trigger them."
Example: Instead of asking, "What did you have for breakfast?" say, "I know how you like bacon and eggs for breakfast." Or instead of saying, "Your son came to see you last night," say, "I met your son the other day, and that boy is feisty." You can remind them what their son is like, but not from the day before.
--People with dementia can give us treasures if we allow them to. If you only see the negative side, that's all you're going to get.
"The person you know is going to tell you a story over and over and over again. You have a choice at that moment. Go crazy or write it down. There's going to come a time when she can't tell you her story. As the disease progresses, she could lose the ability to communicate and tell her story. She's repeating herself, because it's something of value to her. ... The positive side is you're going to find out something about them that you never knew before from her childhood."
--Let them be needed and let go of your expectation of how they help you.
"Don't correct them. There are blessings in this, but you've got to get beyond you wanting to be right."
Example: If they set the table wrong or don't make the bed the way they should, it's OK. When you have the inkling to correct them, ask yourself:
- Does it cause you physical pain?
- Does it cause anyone else living with them physical pain?
- Does it hurt them?
--When you visit with them, visit them in their room or comfort space. Bend down, bring a picture and talk for them until they want to pipe in and tell you what they know.
"As the disease progresses, they get younger in their mind. Figure out what age they're living in at that moment. Figure out who the people are that they're talking about. Go to the conversation that's happening in their mind at that time."
--It's OK to make mistakes. It teaches you what not to do.
"Every person is looking for someone or something. Your whole goal is to figure out who it is or what it is and how you can make them feel like that person or thing is perfectly OK at that moment. Keep changing your answer until you find the one that works. And when you find an answer that works, tell everybody for future reference."
--Remember that 90 percent of what people understand is not your words, but your body language/smile. Your mood absolutely affects their mood.
"During tough times, go back to what's ingrained in them -- childhood songs/prayers -- to calm them down and you. For visitors, write down choices for them so they can maintain their relationships. Ask friends and family for help and then teach them exactly how to help by telling them what activities/conversations have worked in the past."
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